R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
