What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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