We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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