You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
