y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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