someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize