I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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