if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
