I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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