Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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