i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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