Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
