There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I pour the whiskey from now on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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