Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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