Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
