We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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