Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
