So drunk its hurt
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
