The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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