so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
