seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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