Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
