she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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