but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
