I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
