The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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