Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
