So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
