Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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