from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
