what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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