allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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