dude i'm inner monologue high
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
