It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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