May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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