i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
