I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
