on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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