dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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