Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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