i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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