A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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