i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
