its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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