I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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