stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
