im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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