i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
