Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Girls should come with a carfax report
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
