talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
