she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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