When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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