Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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