i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize