wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
