It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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