I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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