Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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