i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize