I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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