I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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