Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
