I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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