dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
They have beer where we have blood.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
