some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
