I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
