we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
