If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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