the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
