my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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