its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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