I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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