I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
