i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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