So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize