I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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