you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
