dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
