Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
