your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
