please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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