I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
