i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
