I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
